Friday
Magdeline~
Friday, August 22, 2008
i .. me ..
what i write on "about me" is just small part of me ..
who am i ?
well , i too don't really know ..
but i like writing (tho its wrong grammar usage )
yet , less than 5 of my friends know i have this blog ..
its like my secret thing ..
yet the person not close to me are the ones who knows bout my blog ..
i like singing ..
i don't have the talent ..
i just wish i could write something ..
but it can't be turned into songs ..
never will ..
i like talking and joking ..
yea i get over boundary sometimes ...
but if you know it ..
i really didn't mean it ..
i get crazy a lot in school ..
people think im stupid , immature ..
well , to answer your question ..
YES I AM ..
i don't want to fake myself just to fit in ...
i have my pros and cons ...
that's why i can be an idiot sometimes ..
sometimes i really feel if i should be a looner ..
a nerd maybe ..
then maybe i wouldn't make so much mistakes ..
im not photogenic , im not creative
im a massively troubled person
yea .. so better stay away from me
i have made the people around me worried sick
im so stupid !!
i know its coming but i just can't stop it ..
im undecided ..
of what i want ..
i love Jesus ..
but .. sometimes .. things get hard for me ..
like something trying to get that trust and love away ..
i do silent prayer every night ..
i get sad .. a lot
i always find out that i actually don't have someone ..
a someone that is really next to me ..
or really close as hell to me ..
when im alone or sad ..
it really is empty , inside me ..
cause no one is there when i needed someone ..
i tried to be there for people ..
but no one will be for me ..
i just feel its unfair ..
especially when it comes to family ..
i don't want to know family issues ..
but when i look at people so close to their own family
i get really envious ...
why i don't have the chance ..
i hate being in a broken family ..
where my brother despises me ..
my mum wants more outta me ..
no dad to care for me ..
no weekends out ..
i wish my family would come to church with me ..
in church i see families sitting together ..
im alone there ..
when i sing worships
i wanna cry ..
the words ..
is so touching .. but why am i still alone ..
i always pray and ask Him ..
i just want a change in life ..
but im always doing it alone ..
if there is really a chance , despite believes and what the bible says ..
i wanna leave this world ..
i really wanna get lost , get away ..
i just wanna go ..
like the wind ..