Monday
Magdeline~
Monday, September 15, 2008
people always think im happy , im lucky and stuff like that .. no one but my friends who are really close to me knows the true story ...
i grew up in a broken family .. my mum was a divorcee .. she divorced my dad when i was 4 years old .. i still can remember the days that they faught .. all the screaming and cursing .. when i was about 6 , my mum met someone new .. he's my present stepdad ... they met at the bus station .. i don't know what happen la .. then they started seeing each other .. and he just suddenly appeared in the house ... he was good to me and my brother at the beginning .. he buys us food and toys ... treat us good ... until one day when my brother touched his phone , he suddenly became so furious and started scolding my brother .. i was so shocked .. i thought it was a one time thing .. but it became worst ... so he said i cared and love me .. so whenever my bro played with me and made me ry , my stepdad would wack my brother .. then he started to wack me .. over some careless mistake ... he was rough and vulgar ... then , one day a huge fight happen between my brother and my stepdad ... then , my brother ran away ... left me .. but by then , he was already ignoring me ...so every week when he comes back ( he's sorta like a weekend dad ) the whole house will be cool .. only the sound of the radio fills the house ... i stayed in my room , didn't dare to go out in case i did anything stupid .. suddenly , it was like not my house anymore ... i had to becareful in every action i make .. if i do a slight mistake , i'd be scolded .. if i fight back , i'd be wack or slapped ...
once i ran away from my home .. a week before chinese new year ... it al started when i was helping my mum load some stuff into the car .. she was going to my grandma house ... so it happened that a can of food fell into the drain .. and the drain was filled with d dog poo .. it was disgusting and smelly .. so i didn't pick it up .. then i went out for a while to my godma house .. by night when i came back , i found the can on my bed .. it was utterly disgusting .. i flared up , i banged the can on the table and banged my door .. then he got angry and kicked open my door .. then he started scolding and spat on me ... i couldn't stop myself .. i yealled back , trying to defend myself .. and outta nowhere , my mum slapped me ... i was to shocked to say anything by then ... they went out of the room , theni just take my bag and packed my stuff .. i know that i can't stay in that house anymore .. its no more a home to me ... my mum chased me and stuff , trying to get me back .. but i was sooo sad and heartbroken ... i ignored her all the way .. i went to the bus station .. planning to get to kl and find my best friend .. but then my mum;s best friend came and pick me up .. so i went back with her ... by sunday , i had to go back .. but i still didn't talk to her .. but i had to by the following week .. cause it was chinese new year .. but i went to kl on the second day of cny .. i had to get away from everything .. i stayed at my bf's mum house ... it was a sad cny ... i missed my day out with my friends ... i missed the last year thing before schools out ...
then , that's how i came to know Jesus ... on easter sunday , i decided to go to church ... i was suppose to attend tuition , but i deceived my mum ... she dropped me at my tuition centre , i pretended to walk to the centre .. when she left , i took off to the church .. it was just behind my tuition place ..i was so lost when i walked in .. but a few people came over to talk to me .. then i saw a friend of mine .. her mum was my choral speaking coach .. she tried to get me into church before but i wasn't ready that time ..so i approached to her and said hi ... they said i could sit with them so i went over ..so that's when i came to know this girl Fleur ... she explained many things to me regarding what was happening ... that's when i started to go to church every week ... i learnt a lot about God's love and how wonderful he were .. in the times when i was broken , he was there for me ... it's like him being so real , being by my side and i never felt lonely ... when i told my mum i wanted to go church , there was such a commotion .. she thinks that i want to be a christian ( which i want to ) .. then until i tell her that , going to church is not just about baptism .. it's about yearning and wanting God's love ... about how much he has sacrificed for people like us .. the day he died , his blood washed away all our sins ... and being baptist is like a whole new life .. with new hearts , different thinking .. more christ like ( but we'll never be like Jesus ) .. then slowly , she opens up and didn't say much when i go to church .. until today .. all the bomoh bomoh stuff ...
so , so far , that's all about me ... that's why i always complain that i hate my life ... but not anymore... i have all the love in the world .. given by all the people i know .. especially Jesus .. he made the most impact in my life ... and never will i feel so grateful to him ...