people always have comments on what u do , what u say .. telling u what to do , what to think , what to say , how to act .. tho not everyone , but most people in the world is doing so ..

like me , im fat .. its not a big issue for me ( tho i know i should diet and stuff ) but other people has already started talking around .. like hey , ure fat la .. diet la .. dun wear this la .. dun eat so much la .. and it keeps going on .. i have been accepting these comments since i went to school .. tadika is counted ... people likes making fun of people who is different ... as i grow up , it seem so normal to me that people like to offer critisism .. i love who i am even im fat ... this made me so special .. yes , its hard to find shirts and pants but , i dun care ..

and there's this family friend of my mum ..she's a teaher , a mother to an adopted child .. but , she acts like the whole world is wrong .. jee ngoh her name is ... she like telling people off without even thinking of people's feeling espacially kids .. i was one of em .. she loves commenting on my size , making fun of me .. and some other kids , despicing them .. just because their poor or not so clever or even a simple mistake .. this lil girl , she only primary 6 , she not so rich , so she's staying with my mum's friend .. and so this lady tells her off when she's just trying to learn piano from her daughter .. saying that she has no talent and money to learn ... that lil girl was obviously taken aback ... and my mum's friend's daughter , was also told off by her .. now , the kids all come to me whenever they're sad .. bangga la sikit ... they take me as an elder sister , telling me all sorts of stuff includin love ... kinda scary but i have to listen oso :p ... but the thing now is that i can't make a slightest mistake .. if not , their's parents will start telling me off .. i hate this thing so so much .. especially now that im with des .. just because i have a bf , they're watching every move i take ...

i hate being controlled .. i've been controlled since im young ... my stepfather like finding even a slightest fault in me ... i tell people about my family condition , but im so so sure nobody really understands except if they go thru it .. its not fun ... i can have people around me , but i know i don't actually have a real friend ... christine now , has move away from me .. she doesn't tell me things anymore ... she's always with amanda .. telling and sharing secret together ... most of the time , i don't know what im doing ... i told feliz already that im no longer her best friend , she doesn't think so .. if not , why when she argue wit her bf , im always the 3rd to know ? i just really wanna get away from melaka ... i wanna start a new .. in a new place with new friends ... i sometimes don't feel appreciated ... i just wonder why am i still hold onto this world ...