up till today i can say .. i never have a proper birthday with my friends before .. all these while , i celebrate with them .. well , who ask me to born on a un-auspicious day ... 4th november .. every year cut cake only ... take present .. end of story .. no party nothing .. i do wish i have it tho .. i see people having fun with their birthday party , lotsa friends around ..

my only birthday with my friends was when i was form 2 .. at jusco kfc .. there was en ting , lekha , renee , yee jie , n some others ... i can barely remember anyway ... that was my first birthday party .. but its like wat ? 2 hours ? we spent our time on eating , n they brought me to get my present .. n bubye ... that's it ..

i guess im never actually remembered .. i can be the loudest , noisest , most annoying creature on earth , yet no one notices me ... im the one always being left out , im the one always gotten into hot water ..

but in a way , i guess im lucky in a different way .. how He had made me get what others don't get .. i guess i have to hold all my paradise thoughts aside .. and i guess the phrase "no money , no talk " is a fact ...

so im really gonna work hard ... im gona earn more money than any of my family n friend does ... with that sum of money , im gonna give my mum a good holiday .. get her a beach house for her to stay with many puppies to accompany her whilst i work ... get my soon to be or hopefully will be mother in law a good holiday too and a house ... get me n dada a house n car n gadgets for our home .. save up til my retirement day .. go for holiday around the world until i die .... no very enjoyable , but i get to spend time with dada n do somthing to pay back my mum ...

others ? im not gonna care anymore ... i have friends now .. but they're still not my closest ... my closest ? not that close anymore ... never knew what happen .. if i can have the chance to be a freaking good psychologist , i will , n i said I WILL , help the unfortunates .. start a community centre for teenagers esp for broken families ... i wanna change their perspective in life .. think differently n be bold ... and never let anyone bring them down .. not ever ..

like me ? maybe .... im at a state of point where im feeling being left out , people trying to break me n dada up , pointless in the midst of college ... like my msn msg says " im not as weak as u think i am .. i'll show u im worthy for him .. i'll make him more successful than anyone could be .." " maybe im forgotten in most people's eyes .. but im remembered in a different way .. no to mention He's watching over me , helping me and guiding me .. coz im special in a way no one could ever be .."